We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
