Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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