Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
