When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
