i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
