if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize