Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
