At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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