tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
