I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
