he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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