Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
