i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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