Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
