Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
