This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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