do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
someone owes me an orgasm
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize