I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
