Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
