WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
