You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
