Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
