Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did my mother make you get naked?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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