she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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