my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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