my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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