I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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