are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
