Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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