No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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