I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
