You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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