The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
