What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
