Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
