Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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