All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize