just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
