I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
