I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
