Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
