I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
