I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you have to choose: penises or morals?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
