I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
