I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
