Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
