He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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