is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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