Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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