I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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