My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
