if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
