Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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