Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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