My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
