do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
