it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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