wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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