There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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