he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
