i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dignity is for republicans.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
