Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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