I accidentally had phone sex last night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
