it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
