nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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