Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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