I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He better not be in your backpack
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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