You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
