ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
