At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
