i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
