Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
