Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
